In the slow lane

I was driving home at 1 AM last night when I had an encounter with Hooligans. There were four P-plated cars (probationary drivers) and they had spread out in the three lanes of an 80 km/h highway. They were driving at about 35 km/h and making rude gestures, as well as cutting in front of each other.

I was among about five cars stuck behind them. I tried to change lanes once but one of the Hooligans swerved in front of me.

Because I wasn't in a hurry, I wasn't worried or frustrated. Mostly, I was amused. It was quite a funny prank because people normally associate hooliganism with driving too fast. I wondered how long these young people (men, I suppose) could stand to drive so slow. What kind of willpower did they have? The primal urge to floor the accelerator would take over pretty soon...

Anway, I turned off as soon as I could and got home only five minutes late.

Play nice

In nearly all my uni subjects, the main form of assessment is group projects. We form groups of about four and take on the roles of consulting engineers. The greatest fun is inventing a company name - "Hydrogreen Consulting", "GDJK" and "Steel-framed Carparks R Us" are typical.

When I did work experience, the environment felt familiar because engineers do work in teams. I didn't understand why people complained that what they had learned at uni was useless in the real world of work because I was using everything I had learned in lectures!

Working in teams on psuedo-projects seems like the way to go for the teaching of engineering practice. It feels natural now, so natural that on the rare occasions we are given individual projects to do, it's a shock to our system. "Whoa! We have to do this ourselves?"

That's not to say that I enjoy working in a team. I like working in good teams, where everyone pulls his or her own weight. I actually find it easier to work by myself because I can work to my own schedule. But I also recognise that our most creative works have come from group projects.

After four years, we have become well-trained team players... Actually, I should qualify this statement. The environmental engineers now make excellent teams amongst themselves. Because we have worked so often with each other, we recognise each other's strengths, respect and like each other. It's comfortable.

This semester, though, I have a number of major projects that I must do with *gasp* new people. In my final year design project, there are five of us in a group. Each person represents a different discipline of the civil engineering course -- transport, structures, geotechnical and water engineering, plus the enviro. Together, we have to design a conference centre for our university from the bottom up.

I'm working in an all-girl group. This could be a first! 85% of all engineering students are male. The odds of an all female group are (let's see, 0.15^5=) less than 0.008%. I have lucked out. These girls seem hard-working, intelligent and they are more than happy for us to design a "green" building. In another sense, it's bad because I am not challenged. The purpose of throwing us into unfamiliar groups is to teach us to overcome group conflict. No conflict yet...darn!

Don't worry, there's another project in which I am working with a loud, careless, obsessed-with-concrete-and-weapons male so maybe he can be my challenge for this semester :)

Do not unnecessarily capitalise words

I have another job interview next week. This is an unusual and competitive position. The interview is actually for a company scholarship, which awards AU$20,000 to the "winner" to take a study tour anywhere in the world he or she chooses, once he or she has worked for the company for nine months. After the study tour, the person comes back to work for another two or three years, then gets an overseas posting for up to two years.

I'm one of four applicants to reach the interview stage. We've been chosen from all the applicants in Victoria, South Australia and Tasmania. Exciting, eh.

I don't even know if I'd take the scholarship if it was offered to me. I feel a sense of loyalty to the company I worked for over summer. They've treated me very, very well and I like the people there. They're also Australian-owned. This other company offering the scholarship is British. The ownership would make a big difference to my decision, if I find myself in the not-unfortunate position of having to choose between job offers. I want to support Australian industry!

At the end of the phone call, the lady said, "Excellent, we'll see you on Wednesday then. Oh, one final thing. On your form, you didn't tick the box to say that you are a Permanant Resident..."

I paused. "That's right... because I'm an Australian citizen."

With obvious relief in her voice, she exclaimed, "Oh! That's even better!"

HAHAHAHA! What a gaffe. I think it was partly my fault and mostly theirs. They should have written "Australian Permanant Resident/Citizen". Look, HR people, if you're going to unnecessarily capitalise words, be prepared for misunderstanding. Permanant Resident implies the official definition of the term. That is, people who have visas to live in Australia but are not citizens.

I guess if I'm so clever, I should have anticipated their silliness.

Indecision saves you money

In my last job interview I was asked for a time I had to make a decision in a short time. Well, yesterday it happened and I discovered that I suck at making decisions quickly.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to buy a 1996 Suzuki Cappuccino convertible. They're tiny little cars, about three metres long, so cute! They handle very well, look unusual and are very cool. I've always wanted a scooter but had reservations about riding in wet weather, not being able to carry a passenger or carry any luggage. The Cappuccino solves all these problems... and gives me street cred :)

I already have a modern, spacious, reliable car. Most people think it's very nice and are envious. The only quibble I have with it is that every third car out there is the same model. I spent all day yesterday, agonising about whether or not to by this rare and special Cappuccino. There are only three people whose opinions have any weight in this situation: Jason, dad and Damjan. Dad and Damjan told me to be practical. Jason scorned practicality and convinced me that cars can be fun.

In the end, after three calls to the dealer, I set up an appointment for him to drive the car from the city to my home in peak hour traffic so that I could inspect the car.

Of course, the dealer called me back two hours later to tell me that the car had just been sold. Snapped up, like all the other Cappuccionos out there! Opportunity lost!

...I was relieved. No decision required. Jason was disappointed, big time.

Now that I think about it, I can relate this situation to many times I have been in a fantastic book store or music store or when choosing a movie. Whenever I am surrounded with many equally attractive choices, I become confused. I throw my hands up in the air and declare, "It's all too difficult!" I usually leave the store without buying anything, figuring that I was happy before I walked in, so I won't miss anything if I don't buy it. Being indecisive is a great way to save money.

Triple cheese sandwich

I'd like to write a bit more about my day yesterday.

I heard an interesting conversation on the train to the city. A Taiwanese girl and a Korean girl were talking about a South-American lecturer they have. They felt uncomfortable with how close he stood to them and when he touched them. From what I could gather, he wasn't being rude. The girls understood it was because Latinos and Asians have a different sense of personal space. Europeans, such as the French, are similarly familiar. Asians are distinctly more stand-offish. On the train, the two girls decided that they would speak to the lecturer to let him know how they felt.

I went to the Arts Centre to see 'Daphnis and Chloe' performed by the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra. Romantic era music is my favourite so I had a good time. During the second movement of Rachmaninov's Piano Concerto no. 2, I was struck by a bolt of recognition. One of the themes was exactly the tune for the verses of 'All by myself', sung by Celine Dion. I loved that song! It's the song that was playing as Cher/Alicia Silverstone in Clueless dramatically realised that she was in love with Josh, her ex-step-brother!

After the concert, Leonie T and I accosted James and convinced him that he wanted to go to Joel H's party that night. James is an extremely accommodating fellow so all it took was a deliberate nudge from us and he agreed.

To kill time, I accompanied James on some errands at his university then we took the train back to my car. Before we got into my car to drive to Damjan's house, I was taken by the urge to visit my old high school. So we wandered over to my school and I gave James a lightning-quick tour in the dark (it was night time by then). One of the caretakers approached, gave us an odd look, then went away.

At Damo's house, we had yummy moussaka for dinner, then we went to Joel's house for a 22nd birthday party. I had 6.5 hours of the most random fun. We
- Separated out two packets of M&M's into colours... Supposedly, there's no aphrodisiac like green M&M's
- Ate Joel's famous home-made crab dip
- Drank a bit
- Sang karaoke

I talked so much! I wouldn't be surprised if Leonie, James and Damo were sick of my voice by the end of the night. James and I were yak, yak, yak from 4 PM to midnight straight. We get along really well. I think it's because I like asking questions and he likes answering them.

I wish Leonie had been able to stay for karaoke and Vera could have come. She loves bad pop music! We got Damo to sing 'YMCA' and 'Don't Stop Moving' by S Club 7. James sung 'Murder on the Dancefloor'. I love karaoke and can carry a tune. My tonal quality is not so great, not smooth, untrained but I do well enough at karaoke that it's no fun for others when I'm on the microphone. There's no point singing at a party if you're going to sing well.

At 1 AM, Damo got a call from my dad. Dad and mum were frantically worried about me. They thought something had happened to me because the last train back from the city was over an hour ago. They didn't know that I was travelling around by car. It was all the more worse because I didn't pick up my phone, which I had typically left somewhere because girls' pants have no functional pockets. At the time of dad's call, I was annoyed, guilty, frustrated that my parents were so worried about me. After they explained it to me, I understand why they were especially worried this time. I guess that's acceptable.

Damo dropped Simon and James home. I drove home from his place then crawled into bed about 3 AM.

All in all, a good day.

Girly Joan

Today, I danced more than I ever have in a competition. I was only meant to dance once in Theatrical Troupes. I ended up being roped into Hip Hop Trios, Couples Cha Cha and Jive, Couples Merengue and Mambo. It was fun while it was happening but now I'm tired and annoyed.

I had a very good time at a party last night. It was a fairly low-key 22nd birthday. I was warned that it might degenerate into a drinking party but it didn't get close to that. I spent most of the time talking to James and Leonie T. There are some people that I consistently have wonderful talks with -- Damjan, James, Kate, Vera, Megan and my brother Jason. These people I just bounce off. It's very satisfying and I wish I could hang out with friends all the time.

I've noticed that I have become more and more "girly". I used to take pride in my rationality, sensibleness and well-considered actions. Yesterday though, and typically, I was silly, energetic, blunt, relationship- and personal-history-oriented in conversations and usually laughing. It's more fun to be like this but I am afraid that people will get the impression I'm shallow and rude. I guess I can be a bit more careful and diplomatic from now.

REJECTED

I've been rejected. I waited two hours to donate blood, then as I lay there on the bed, they told me that my blood pressure was "much too low".

*sob* I wanted to save twenty lives today!

I've decided to be cheerful

Last night, I spent ten minutes analysing the root causes of my current listlessness. I think I've traced it to "bad attitude". Having determined this, I have decided to put in an effort to flick the mood switch to "Cheerful". It will be more work than being despondently lazy but on consideration, the happy chemicals will be worth it.

So, get ready for the switch flicking...

*FLICK*

:)

Top grade blood

I like donating blood. It makes me feel like a productive member of society. Australia has a very low donation rate. About 3% of people donate blood regularly. I think that it's not the blood-giving that people object to, rather it's the cost in time and convenience. I'm lucky in that the Blood Bank comes to my university and I have breaks between lectures. I like lying on the padded teal beds while the machine rocks beside me, dripping away my red stuff. I have no choice but to relax. Relaxing without guilt is a luxury during semester time.

For the record, I have A+ blood. Yay! The top grade! About 31% of people have A+ blood. It's the most common blood type after O+.

Running the promissory gauntlet

I call it "running the interview gauntlet". Today, I had my second interview with the engineering company I want to work for. It was mildly successful. The interviewer asked to give an example of a time I had to make a decision in a short time. I blanked. I had used up all my cool examples, like the time I had to fire a dance teacher, dealing with a horribly mutated final year project, working with international students who couldn't understand me...

So, I said, "Well, I suppose you're more interested in my thought processes and the steps I take rather than the actual decisions. I'll use the example of deciding how to get to this interview..." And I talked for about three minutes about why I ended up taking a train to the city instead of driving.

I'm CRAZY.

I also had to do a group exercise with three fellow gauntlet-runners. I was the only engineer. The others came from finance, marketing and law backgrounds. The exercise was meant to test our ability to work in a team. Now, normally I am a very capable group member; I'll take charge if there is a leadership void and sit back if things are chugging along without me. Today was almost overwhelming, though. As soon as the exercise began, the other three immediately took over -- Rapid-fire talking, scenario analysis, statement of assumptions... They didn't speak over each other but I could almost hear them tapping their feet impatiently until there was a break in the discussion so they could interject something insightful. I could barely get a word in edge-wise.

"Hmm," I thought, "There needs to be quiet people in a team. I'll be a quiet person." I have learned that if you are quiet during discussion, then when you do talk, your words carry more weight. The importance of your words have not been diluted by previous waffle. However, I suspect that in a twenty-minute show-off-fest, being strategically quiet does not win you brownie points.

Don't worry, friends. I did manage to say some things. Heck, I managed to use the word "promissory" completely in context. Who wouldn't give me a job after that? :)

Same old newness

New subjects -- Been there, done that.
New students -- Hello, another you again.
New moves -- It's still just routine.
News -- Is Olds.

To pique my interest and wake my brain, you must be
A friend with change, angles or filters,
Gentle in touch, earnest in conversation.

Or
A foreign food.

I published a poem on this blog

Then thought better of it.

Google-stalking

I spent the afternoon shopping with Vera. I had to buy twenty of the same tops for my hip hop class's costume. What a pain. Vera kept me company during this chore. We reminisced about the ski trip, which was such a long time ago...! This can't be conducive to recovering from post-holiday blues.

I Google-stalked some friends today by inputting their names into Google and seeing what kind of dirt I could dig up. It's amazing what you can find. I found out some friends' ENTER scores (high school marks), their hobbies and achievements. The World Wide Web is a wonderful thing!

Holidays officially end tomorrow. I have Mondays off this semester, though, so I'll go into the city to be unproductive. Hooray!

Communal fun at the snow

I'm back! I've had the most wonderful holiday skiing up on the mountain. Now I feel the down after a great holiday. Being at home feels quiet and lonely after the energy and excitement of new experiences with fifteen friends. *sigh*

The snow was thick and powdery. In five days, I went from klutzy beginner who hurtled down green runs to slightly klutzy intermediate who cautiously picked her way down blue runs. This past week, I fell down a lot. I thought that surviving lots of falls would make a person more fearless but that's not true at all - I got more scared.

I went with fifteen people, most of whom I didn't know very well before. I adore them all now. I was excited and hyper the whole week. We chatted about everything, skiied together, fell together, cooked and cleaned, played games like Bartog, Cat-opoly, Billionaire and Pictionary, sung songs from musicals and danced like maniacs to bad '90s pop and cool swing music. I was so happy to be around friendly, interesting and helpful people.

One of the highlights of the trip was the food! We had organised ourselves into "food groups" so that the dinner responsibilities were shared fairly. What an effort people put into meals! We had pancakes, herb sausages, fried eggs and toasted sandwiches for breakfast, then homemade pizza, curries, goulash, cabbage rolls and pastas for dinner. Meal times were something to look forward to.

There were some minor dramas on the trip. People got lost in the snow (during whiteouts, when we could see only 10 metres ahead!) and getting kissed by random strangers dressed up as Santa (a very creepy episode). Here I will reproduce a comment from lildrummergal from the entry "Delayed Teenage Angst".

Wait a second -- this story sounds familiar! Joan never finished this episode. The Girl ended up being turned down when she pressed for an "official" answer. Apparently, having been scarred in a previous relationship, The Boy was not intending to start another one for quite a while yet.

After much counselling from very good friends, The Girl was well on her way to getting over the whole thing, despite having enough teenage angst to write an Avril Lavigne-esque song.

However, it doesn't end there. The ski trip following further compounded matters. The Boy declares on the first night to The Girl that she was "making him change his mind" and asked whether she "still wants to go out with him". She refuses to give a straight answer, unsure of his sincerity and unwilling to become vulnerable again so quickly.

Determined to get things straight for once and for all, The Girl writes and email to The Boy as soon as she got home from the trip, asking for a definite answer. She's tired of being confused.

An answer has not yet been received. She suspects it will come either in the form of a phone call or a face-to-face conversation. And so the melodramatic saga continues... (The Girl needs to start her own blog or something)

Yes, that definitely was the most soap-opera-like episode of the week. At one point in the ski trip, a person pointed to the The Girl and Boy (wrapped up together on the couch) and loudly said, "Can someone tell me what's going on with them?"

Heck, even they don't know what's going on! :)

Key word of the trip: Communal. See glossary.

To put it differently

But who's to say that it is not acceptable to want to challenge oneself against the best and to step outside one's own comfort zone?

PhD in ordinariness

I have an unusual circle of friends - they're mostly brilliantly smart in an academic and social sense. Amongst my friends, "geek" and "nerd" are compliments. Heck, I aspire to be a nerd but my rudimentary HTML skills and my dependence on Windows just don't cut it :)

Many of my friends have embarked or will embark on PhD programs next year ("Nerds!"). Some are going through the hoopla of applying for scholarships at the world famous Oxford and Cambridge Universities. Others I know are Australian ex-pats in Stanford, UC Berkley and Caltech. It makes me feel a little inferior to be stuck in Australia, moving on to my highly-paid, high-stress engineering consulting job after I graduate at the end of this year. How conventional!

I wonder if I should try it myself? Apply for the Australian Rhodes Scholarship or check out any of the above unis, plus Harvard, Yale and Princeton. I've checked out their websites and there are definitely courses I would find interesting. But the hunt for prestige and "keeping up with the brilliants" seem like very silly reasons to spend four years of your life in another country. Far more noble reasons would be to extend yourself and your experiences; transfer knowledge from more advanced countries; for the love of research and academia.

I am ready to work now. I am itching to put my skills into practice now. But I also don't want to be ordinary. I don't want to have been capable and unusual all through my academic life, only to sink into ordinariness when I become a worker. I want to fulfil my potential beyond being a productive bee in society's hive. Sometimes I think I will need a PhD from Yale to fulfil my potential. Most of the time, I realise I'd being shallow and short-sighted to follow such an ego-driven agenda. No doubt other people around the world have done exactly that... and achieved and learned beyond their expectations.

Hurrumph. Nothing has been resolved.

This will be my last entry until I come back from skiing. My dance principal has forbidden from breaking any limbs while I'm away. AW! Spoilsport! :p

Jason and Leonie go to jazz

I live in a different cultural world to Jason and his girlfriend Leonie. We'd both arrive home at 2 AM, but I would have come home from the opera or dining in European restaurants and he would have come back from a club or a cruise up the mountain in his sports car. I think to some extent, he feels culturally insecure. He shouldn't - I know he's smart (you don't need to go to the opera to be smart!). He has different interests, which are probably more mainstream and "normal" to mine.

So today was something special. Tonight, he and Leonie came with us to a jazz gig at Bennetts Lane. I was quite excited and happy to have them there but I don't think it was a good introduction to the world of jazz. The music was fairly modern jazz, unmelodic and discordant. It wasn't aurally pleasing to the untrained ear. Even I couldn't connect with it. Jason and Leonie were bored. I doubt they'd come back.

I wish their first gig was a big band or a jazz group playing swing and blues standards or a jazz vocalist like Yvette Johansson. Maybe I can convince them next time. Or maybe it really isn't worth their time.

I'm at Damjan's house

And having fun on his Linux (*gasp*!) computer!

Delayed teenage angst

A friend has just confessed to me that she and another friend of ours have been unofficially "together" for the last month. Damjan knew about it too!

I can't say the news took me by surprise. Just these couple of days, I was suspecting that she at least had a crush on him. He kept cropping up in our conversations. He was invited to join our "food group" for the ski trip at her request. I could see no particularly strong connection between us and him compared to other people. So I figured something was up. She also said that he had asked her to download a file for him. Why her out of all his friends? They didn't even know each other that well (supposedly). Also, she went over to his house to get music for our Dinner Dance music organising session.

So she finally 'fessed up with only the mildest of proddings from me. She had been planning to tell me anyway because she wanted my opinion about why The Boy was behaving erratically.

"Joan, do you get jealous when Damjan talks about spending time with other girls?"

I answered immediately. "Yes. I think everyone does. It all depends on you react to it. I know that I shouldn't take it seriously so I try to dismiss it. For example, I feel a bit envious when you go to Dizzy's with him for jam sessions - It's nothing personal. I get over it pretty quickly."

My friend wanted to know why The Boy was grumpy whenever she mentioned Damjan. She and Damjan talk quite a bit (oooh, twinge of jealousy! immediately quashed...just kidding :) so of course he would pop up in her conversations with The Boy.

We concluded that The Boy's grumpiness was due to the natural pangs of jealousy compounded by the fact that their relationship wasn't "official" yet. When things aren't cemented, I suppose people are even more prone to jealousy because everything is more threatening. The relationship is fragile.

By this theory, jealousy should dwindle away once you are confident in a relationship. That seems about right to me.

ANNOYED

I've escaped from the kitchen, where mum was scolding me. I am apparently a silly girl because I booked my ski hire one week early. I was pleased because by hiring off-mountain, I saved myself $15+, the hassle of dealing with frazzled ski fitters and avoided the risk of being caught up in an equipment shortage. But mum pointed out that the equipment is heavy and I won't be able to bring as much food. I'm so thoughtless, don't I realise how bulky winter clothes are? Do I think I'm Supergirl and can carry 50 kg in the snow and uphill too?

I really, really don't like it when she criticises me for little things like this. It really, really annoys me. I'm really, really annoyed. ANNOYED.

Bite of cheese sandwich

Apparently, a "cheese sandwich" blog entry is basically a re-telling of the days events. So I'm going to do a bite of cheese sandwich now.

Today (actually yesterday), I went into Fitzroy for dinner and music. We went to Patee Thai restaurant. It was fantastic, very flavourful and yummy. We sat on cushions and shared four dishes between us. Afterward, we went to my favourite ice-cream store - Trampoline on Brunswick Street! I had mango, tiramisu and creme caramel, mmmmm...

By 9:30 PM, we had bagged the couch at the Night Cat to listen to reggae, funk, latin and jazz. Not bad for the entry price of $0.

So in all, a good night. Too bad Damjan wasn't able to come. He's feeling sick :(

The problem with jogging

After the first day of jogging, I felt sore for three days. It hurt to go down steps. I guess it's better to get the suffering out of the way now than when I'm on the ski slopes!

I "jogged" for 2.5 kilometres today at an average of 6 km/h. Now, that's a pretty pathetic pace. I think 8 km/h is standard. I was going slightly uphill... Okay, I'll stop with the excuses now. I'm just not fit enough. I'm pleased though, because I felt like "throwing in the towel" more than a few times but I just kept going. Why do people put up with this pain? I'm only going to do this until the ski trip (eight more days) - it's the only way I can endure it. It's not fun at all. I'd rather skate, dance, do aerobics, martial arts...

Another problem with running as a way to keep fit is that it's outdoors. It's even less fun to run in the rain or in the heat. Today was very nice, briskly cold so jogging warmed me up. But what happens when it rains? In summer, when the air is sticky and oppressive? Surely there are more pleasurable sports. I've heard about this "jogger's high" but I have yet to experience it.

Exercise to lose weight seems like a futile exercise (excuse the pun). According to the Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada, I exercised off one donut today. I think the intention of providing this information is to motivate people to exercise more or eat less but personally, I would get discouraged and just give up. The pain ain't worth the gain.

I guess that's why it's better to stay healthy by leading an active lifestyle doing fun things, rather than exercising to lose weight!

In hip hop today, we've started a new routine. We're going back to "old school" hip hop. We're dancing to the Ghostbusters theme! My teacher has a vision - white jumpsuits with the Ghostbusters logo at the back. Hehe, this is going to be fun...

...OMG, I need to dance for 12 minutes to burn off the calories of one apple! That's ridiculous! I eat something like seven pieces of fruit every day. What a gyp. How depressing.