Nine quiet words

That was exceedingly awkward.

I'm in the uni computer labs. I've been here since about 10 AM. When I arrived, I sat down, logged in and started working. I glanced up and did a double take. A girl sitting about four metres away was looking at erm, naughty photos and videos. Every now and then, she would look around (nervously) then go back to her monitor. The other five people in the lab had their eyes fixed on their own monitors with studied concentration. I shook my head and went back to my work.

As the minutes wore on, more people filtered in. People would walk in, stop in disbelief then sidle away. Other people walked in blithely and sat down but it wasn't long before they had clued in to what was going on and began whispering to each other in incredulous tones.

An hour ticked passed. There were now thirty people in the room. By then, the girl seemed to have forgotten to check that she wasn't being watched.

Come on, girl, this is a public lab. What's going on in your head? Don't you think people can see what you are doing? Please, you're embarrassing yourself.

Finally, I got up, walked across and tapped her desk. Nine quiet words.

"I don't think you should be doing that here."

She ducked her head, nodded and quickly closed the windows. By the time I had walked back to my seat, she had gathered up her belongings and was hurrying out the door.

The apple does not fall far from the tree

Damjan and I saw my mum hovering above our fish bowl with the digital camera. Concentrating, she framed the shot, then snapped Goldie and Freddie.

"What are you doing, mum?"

With a start, she looked up. "Oh! ... Look how clean the water is! Oh, that's a good shot." She proudly showed us the photo she had just taken.

It was indeed a good shot.

Damjan and I exchanged indulgent looks. I was amused... until I remembered that only a few weeks ago during a blackout, I had also been excitedly taking photos of the fish by candlelight.

You know what they say about the apple falling far from the tree.

Guffaw-provoking newspaper headlines

Norm tells me, "This is a list of actual newspaper headlines that have been collected due to their comic value... enjoy!" I read these in a uni computer lab and it took all my willpower to stop myself from laughing out aloud!

---

Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike says

Psychics predict world didn't end yesterday

Sun or rain expected today, dark tonight

Cancer Still Killing 100 A Day - Doctors Resolve To Do Better

White House Wins On Budget Deal With Congress, But More Lies Ahead

Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25

Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One

Deaf Mute Gets New Hearing in Killing

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should be Belted

Panda Mating Fails - Veterinarian Takes Over

Eye Drops Off Shelf

Dealers Will Hear Car Talk at Noon

Mad Cows Demand Milkmaids Use Hand Lotion

Jane Fonda to teens: Use head to avoid pregnancy

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms

Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved Ones

Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

Physicist recommends bigger balls to slow down male tennis players

Complaints About NBA Referees Growing Ugly

Fenestration

Defenestration is one of my favourite forms of assassination.

Defenestration n : the act of throwing someone or something out of a window.

Looking up environmetally efficient windows, I've stumbled across the existence of the National Fenestration Rating Council. I didn't know there was a positive form of defenestrate!

Fenestration n : Any opening in a building's envelope including windows, doors and skylights.

Dictionary.com provides further definitions for defenestration.

n. [mythically from a traditional Czech assasination method, via SF fandom]

1. Proper karmic retribution for an incorrigible punster. "Oh, ghod, that was _awful_!" "Quick! Defenestrate him!"
2. The act of exiting a window system in order to get better response time from a full-screen program. This comes from the dictionary meaning of `defenestrate', which is to throw something out a window.
3. The act of discarding something under the assumption that it will improve matters. "I don't have any disk space left." "Well, why don't you defenestrate that 100 megs worth of old core dumps?"
4. Under a GUI, the act of dragging something out of a window (onto the screen). "Next, defenestrate the MugWump icon."
5. The act of completely removing Micro$oft Windows from a PC in favor of a better OS (typically Linux).

I am most humoured.

P.S. Today is my birthday. I had a lovely birthday picnic yesterday. My mum catered and my friends entertained me. I felt so loved.

The Chase

Acquaintance X seems to like Friend Y.

Friend Y is either oblivious or so polite that she can act naturally around X.

Friend Z and I have been watching. We watched, exchanged looks. Nodded because without consulting each other, we knew we had come to the same conclusion. It would never (should never) work. X is nice enough but ... more showy (forward, contrived) than Y would ever be. He's not a terrible person (talented, hard-working, smart) but in the words of Cher Horowitz, "I just don't think you mesh well together."

It makes Z sad to see this impossible situation playing out before us. Maybe Z would like everyone to be as happy as they are. I am less charitable. I wish for X's dignity and Y's equanimity sake that X would be a bit more subtle about his infatuation.

Without knowing X very well (and at the risk of doing him a significant injustice), I think Y is too good for him.

I don't want to disparage X's feelings for Y. You can't help how you feel. Just... dignity, please. Subtlety. Self-control.

Of course, Z and I will say nothing. It's none of our business.

Arranged marriage

I've just come home from coffee with Gurpreet. We spent two hours talking about some of our attitudes to life. I am amazed at how different they are -- it's boggling.

Gurpreet separates her life into compartments -- "Family doesn't interfere with Work. Work doesn't interfere with Family. Friends don't interact with Temple. Marriage is all by itself."

"Joan, I would never date anyone who my friends knew. It's too risky. I'd be scared that if we broke up, it'd affect my friendships."

"Really? I'm completely opposite. Some of my best friends I have met through my boyfriend."

Gurpreet's parents are in India at the moment, looking for a husband for her. She is quite amenable to the idea. "I'm actually looking forward to getting married. To finally settle down and not having to worry about marriage. Men. I'm so over them, Joan. I just want to get that part of my life sorted so I can concentrate on my work." Gurpreet will be doing her PhD in biomedical science next year.

"Gurpreet, I couldn't do it. I'd be terrified of being married to someone I didn't care for, didn't respect."

She shrugs. "I do get a say. I trust my parents to choose someone I like. And I get along with most people. You know, arranged marriages are often more successful than love marriages. I don't believe in love marriages. I look around and see all these divorces. It just doesn't work."

Gurpreet and I nutted out a theory that partly explains our differing philosophies. To her, marriage is a slice in the pie of life. It's a component, separate from all the other components. It either works or it doesn't -- and whether or not it works has no bearing on the rest of her life. As long as she has her research, her friends, then she will be happy. In fact, she sets higher standards for her friends than her life partner.

To me, I think my future life partner would not be simply a slice in the pie. The relationship would the base of the pie. Almost everything will built on top of it. I would share my friends with my partner, find new friends through him. I might bring my work home and talk about it. My partner would join my family. Because the relationship would be so comprehensively weaved into my life, if it failed, it would be impossible to maintain life's equilibrium.

Of course, we've simplified things to emphasise the differences in our attitudes. Intellectually, I understand that Gurpreet can be happy with the life course she has mapped out but emotionally, it is very difficult for me to believe anyone could be happy this way. I could never give up control over such a fundamental aspect of my future, such as the choice of who I spend my life with.

Badly timed fasion

Mum woke me up with a new fashion goodie.

"Look what I bought for you, Joan! Wear this today. It's going to be sunny."

It was a deep purple t-shirt with the word "Active" in silver across the front. Hurrah! I donned my t-shirt, ready for the first real spring day at university.

I walked right into student elections. There were swarms of student politicians, activists accosting bewildered students with pamphlets and well-rehearsed harangues. It is the most hated time of the year.

The largest political party is called 'Activate'... They wear deep purple t-shirts, with 'Activate' emblazoned across the chest.

Oh, what badly timed fashion! The worst time I could have picked to break in my new t-shirt. All day, people were coming up to me, saying, "Joan, I didn't know you were involved in student politics!" I'm not, I'm not!

Hehe...

Something feels... not right.

When I grow up

I've done no work this weekend. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Naught. Nada. Nil.

Hooray!

The next few weeks will be the home stretch. Four weeks of university, three weeks of exams then I'm done (for now).

I often start sentences, "When I grow up..." and people laugh. In Australia, being 18 years old is "grown up". I don't think I've ever felt fully grown up because I still depend on mum and dad for many things, like health insurance, advice and laundry. I also knew that there was plenty for me to learn still, academically and personally.

But I'm on the verge of being "grown up". I can see how I could relatively easily transist (verb for transition, please?) into independence. I still don't know everything but I have the tools to learn. My finances will fall into place next year when I have a full time job. I can go anywhere in my car, by public transport or plane. I am confident I can organise myself and the people around me.

I remember in high school thinking, "In 2006, when Melbourne hosts the Commonwealth Games, I'll be 24 years old. Good golly! Jumping Jimminey!" And it's almost here (in fact, I did some environmental work for the Government on the Commonwealth Games Village).

The course of life is unpredictable. Which is why I'm setting myself up for a fall because I will now set out A PLAN here. This is not what I want. It's just me scenarionising. In writing this down, the biggest struggle was deciding the non-work things like marriage and kids -- this is the topic I know least about!

Age (years)	Event
22	Graduate Begin full time work as engineer
25	Promotion Move into first home
26	Oversears posting Engagement
27	Marriage Move into second home Buy hybrid electric car
28	Begin full-time PhD Kid 1
31	Complete PhD
32	Kid 2
33	Back to full time work, this time in public policy
36	Enter politics Buy hydrogen fuel cell car
42	Become Federal Minister for the Environment
48	Work overseas
53	Win Nobel Peace Prize
55	Start a Diploma of Education Move into third home
57	Teach high school Geography, Mathematics and English
62	Teach part time Be paid for speaking at important international conferences
68	Fully retired
100	Die

Whaddya reckon?

Oh, what a night

Oh, what a night. Months of planning and weeks of action resulted in a triumphant Dinner Dance for our dance clubs. The drab ballroom turned into a warm space. The music was good, dancefloor spinning with people all night, prizes welcome, hampers appreciated, food enjoyed, table names the highlight (of course).

The floorshows were something special. We had the first comedy dance floorshow I've ever seen. The Argentine Tango performance was intricate and intimate. The Latin floorshow was amazing, fiery, riveting.

All these adjectives. Too much telling, not enough showing. Ah, well.

The best indicator for a good Dinner Dance is the organisation of the medal presentations. I am proud to say the presentations were efficient, almost flawless (although somewhat unceremonial).

By the end of the night, I was being heaped with thanks and congratulations. I was very pleased but somewhat embarrassed. Thanks were welcome but I will share them around with at least three major supporting actors.

Funding private schools

So, the leader of the Opposition, Mark Latham, has come out and taken a stand. He wants to level the playing field a bit and shift funding from "wealthy" private schools to smaller independent and Catholic schools. A cynic might say, "Well, that's a clever move to get the popular vote. It's not like Mr. Latham will be alienating non-Liberal voters, anyway."

At uni today, we discussed the issue of government funding of prestigious private schools. Most people have an opinion on this issue because we all went to either a public or private school. I went to the local public school. It was the most fantastic place for me, with great facilities and teachers.

In debating, we were taught to never base arguments on analogy (because analogies can be produced for any side of a debate). But at the risk of offending my old English teacher, I will bring one up that I heard a few years ago.

"If the Government provides a bus and you don't want to take it, don't expect the Government to subsidise your Mercedes."

That is, there is a perfectly serviceable option already and if you don't like it, tough luck, you snob. This kind of argument resonates strongly with the Aussie Battler.

The flip side is:
"Everyone who pays their taxes should get equal Government support. If someone chooses to sacrifice more of his/her wealth for the education of his/her children, well that's his/her choice to make. The Government shouldn't penalise them for valuing education."

This argument makes me nod and think, "Yeah, that's right." Although I am mostly Lefty, I have Rightish leanings in that I'm strongly pro-individual-choice.

In fact, private school students get less funding than public school students. The Government is penalising them for taking a burden off the taxpayer.

The downfall in the pro-private-school-funding argument is that not everyone is in a position to choose to send their kid to a well-equipped private school. Can you imagine not having any real option except to send your child to the run-down, poor-performing local high school, while the private school next door is lobbying the Government for more money because it only has one swimming pool? Don't laugh, this is exactly what happened when I was in Year 12.

Mark Latham has come out saying that he will distribute funding on a needs basis. His rationale is, "Well, if you can afford to pay $12,000 a year in school fees, obviously you don't need Government money." The private schools say that not all their students are rich. Many families make massive sacrifices to send their kids to private schools. If Government funding is withdrawn, then fees will have to increase (or standards will decrease), making a private school education even less accessible. Private schools truly would become the domain of wealthy families (if they're not already).

What can we conclude? I don't know about you but I can't make up my mind. In Utopia, every school would be a public school as good as my high school -- and there would be no differences in religion and values to teach because that just makes things complicated (I'm not dissing the teaching of religion in school, just saying that it would make my simple Utopia impossible).

Mobile pain

While organising caterers, venues and committee members this week, I've used my mobile phone much more than I ever have -- about five or ten minutes a day. This may not sound like much to you phone junkies out there but for someone who doesn't enjoy talking on phones and is quite money-conscious, that's plenty.

My head hurts. It didn't used to hurt when I used the mobile but I must have passed some sort of threshold because using it even for a few seconds causes me to grit my teeth. It's like a toothache, but further up. Is it my phone? Am I particularly sensitive? Do all people experience the same or do they acclimatise to this after a while?

At this point, I am willing to believe that phone radiation may cause cancer.

Woe is me

Well, the day after my last entry congratulating myself on the lack of stress in organising this ball, I had a stress attack. There are too many people, our ball is too popular, not enough tables, not enough space, aaargh.

I would have broken down into a sobbing, incoherent ball of frustration except that Damjan, Vera and Jamie saved me.

I'm sure it will work out. I am thankful for you all!

Jalapeno table

Am most excited about our annual formal ball this Friday. I've coordinated it this year. It's been pretty low stress. I've delegated much of the detailed work away to people in small, bite-sized manageable tasks so everyone's happy to help. I've kept control of the big vision things, like music, programme, floorplan, menu.

The one menial task that I've taken upon myself is assigning names to the tables. We have a 'Fire & Ice' theme so I've taken great delight in choosing appropriate names like Jalepeno, Phoenix, Glacier and Icicle.

TEEHEE.

My smiley friends

I remember being introduced to the smilicon about, oh, seven years ago. I marvelled at the wit of turning the page (or my head) to the side and seeing a face. Wikipedia has some interesting things to say about smileys/emoticons/smilicons.

I find smilicons essential for my web communications. It's because I smile so much in real life. There is potential for misunderstanding and blandness without smilicons and exclaimation marks. I do, however, overuse them if I am not careful.

I would now like to introduce some friends to you.

:-)	Damjan's smilicon. The classic smiley. It's closest to human proportions but the face seems a bit long for me...
=)	Mary's smilicon. Very cheerful and cartoony. It looks like it's had an all-nighter.
:o)	James's smilicon. I like the nose. I like round things.
:)	My smilicon. I like it because it looks like its smile is so big, it has reached its ears.

Good night! :)

Frustration!

Frustrated to the point of not caring. At hip hop today, our teacher was away. There was a leadership vacuum. Everything was in chaos. Nothing was organised. People were talking, ignoring each other. Oh, how I could have stepped in and marshalled them into productive activity! It would have been so easy. But there were three more senior people than me in the class -- the supervising teacher, a more experienced teacher and a classmate designated to lead the routine. That was the problem, though. There was no clear authority. It wasn't my place to take over. What a pain. PAIN.

I feel pretty

I feel pretty today! I felt like dressing up a bit for uni so it's skirt and long jacket (not "short skirt and a loooooong jacket" -- the skirt is too long to be short).

This morning, I realised that tomorrow is the culmination of a dress cycle. Last Friday, I had to wear a pink slinky dress for hours because of our dance exam rehearsal. By midnight, I was so fed up with being feminine that I vowed to wear tracksuits for a week. Which I did for three days. I've been easing out of the daggy clothes. Two days ago, I wear "business casual" for no particular reason (shirt and pinstripe pants). Today, I'm wearing "arty retro girly". Tomorrow, though, it's back to full-on pink and slinky for my real dance exam. Oh, the joy.

Owww

I kill the engine and sit in the darkness of the car, listening to rain drops throwing themselves at the window. Sighing, I begin to gather up Tuesday -- dance shoes, wallet, the necklace Kate lent me, aerobics gear, Palm and phone, Lot's Wife, my school bag (economics text book, thermos, drink bottle), spare jumper. Put things down, pick things up, rearrange, drop things into puddles, pick them up.

I duck my head into the boot to get my passport application. Avoid the rain, avoid the rain. Up! My head makes a hollow *thump* against the edge of the boot lid. Owww...

Sheau and Joan

I've just spent half an hour talking to one of my formerly-close high school friend, Sheau Sze. I haven't spoken to her properly for years, even though we are at the same university. She's changed -- I have too. I think we've diverged, although the potential to be close friends is still there. We've emerged from tertiary education with very different outlooks on life. Like a good engineer, I will display this information in a table. Refer to Table 1.

Table 1: Comparison of Sheau Sze and Joan's outlooks on life

Aspect	Sheau Sze	Joan
University	Suspects she chose the wrong course (business IT). Feels her brain has not worked in four years. The best thing about her degree was "the hours" -- she's been "on holiday" for four years.	Thinks she chose the perfect course for her skills, personality and ambitions. Feels her mind has expanded. The best thing about her degree was the variety.
Post-university	No graduate role yet and not sure what kind of job she wants.	Has options and offers for graduate work. Knows what area she wants to work in.
Ambition	Wants a "small" job that will provide a means for survival and allow time to enjoy life.	Wants to integrate work into enjoyment in life, a job that has a large impact.
Current relationship	Is dissatisfied with the support and level of communication in her current relationship.	Is content.
Dreams	Wants to be running her own small business with her sister (although she is negative about the amount of money and effort it will require).	Nothing definite.
Attitude to money	Feels like she has too little for what she wants to do -- start a business, buy a house, live happily. Considers renumeration an important part of job satisfaction.	Feels like she has enough for life now and will have enough in future for all she wants to do. Is less concerned with renumeration in a job.
Attitude to luck	Believes luck can shape people's lives.	Believes that having made a decision to do something, luck is not an important determining factor.

So you can see, at this stage of life, Sheau Sze is more troubled than I am. Her future after graduation is uncertain and she is very frustrated with her own lack of direction. She doesn't know what she wants. On one hand, it seems to me that she is not willing to put in the work to achieve the good things in life. But maybe that has to do with her uncertainty. If she found something that she was passionate about, then the drive might kick in.

I can't make sweeping statements about Sheau's situation or outlook because she's had different experiences to me. She has worked in small businesses and seen the struggles of the ordinary person (which explains why she is generally negative about people's job prospects). She is to work in the competitive world of business information technology and has been rejected from many jobs. Being knocked down so many times does affect your outlook in life.

She has high expectations of relationships because she is surrounded by successful ones (her sister, her boss, her friends). I personally think she is expecting too much from her boyfriend -- she wants him to read her moods and support her. We all want that but I think it's unfair to expect it without letting the boy know.

She is what I would call a cheerful pessimist. I am essentially optimistic (probably unrealistically so). How much of this is due to our different inherent personalities? How much are we a product of our experiences? We entered university in virtually the same position. If I had chosen business systems, would I have grown to be like her? Somehow, I don't think so. I believe I have created my own opportunities.

It's the old question of 'nature versus nurture'.

'Hippie communie'

On Sunday, Damjan and I visited Moora Moora cooperative community in Healesville. I am to write a neighbourhood regeneration policy for this place in my Environmental Policy subject, so we decided to make a half-day trip up to Mount Toole-Be-Wong for the Open Day.

What a pleasant surprise it was! I was a bit wary about being preached to by hard line environmentalists but the people were universally approachable and easy-going. We had afternoon tea then they took us on a tour of the site. About sixty people live in clusters of five households. Each cluster shares a vegetable garden and diesel generator. Each household has solar panels, chops their own firewood, builds out of mud and straw... and drives cars (unavoidable, when living on the urban/rural fringe with no public transport). There is a mix of professions, like builders, teachers, burglar alarm installers, accountants and psychologists.

I think I could be happy living in such a place, especially if I was surrounded by friends. We could make a TV show about it and call it 'Friends'! There didn't seem to be any concerns about lack of privacy because the houses were far apart and the people who lived there weren't nosy or intrusive. That was my only concern about living in a strong community. Of course, it's too far from the culture, amenity and activity in the city for my liking but I could probably get used to that.

This isn't a very well-crafted blog entry. I'm a bit tired. I've just eaten some nice yogurt.

The Ideal Person

I've been thinking about the Ideal Person. That is, I am trying to identify the traits that I think the Ideal Person would have. The list I am going to present here is very subjective and has more to do with gut feeling than anything rational. So, here goes...

The Ideal Person:

• Enjoys cooking and trying new foods
  
• Is punctual
  
• Can maintain his or her car
  
• Keeps his or her room tidy
  
• Is confident but knows his or her own limits
  
• Plays an instrument and appreciates music
  
• Is a good listener
  
• Is diplomatic
  
• Is very intelligent
  
• Will sacrifice his or her own interests to meet his or her commitments to others
  
• Is generous with his or her money and time (Is happy to drive people home even if it is inconvenient)
  
• Will consider other people's opinions, even if he or she doesn't agree
  
• Enjoys learning
  
• Can accept criticism
  
• Has a favourite sport or two
  
• Reads widely
  
• Pays attention to world affairs
  
• Is comfortable with physical expressions of affection (without overstepping the boundaries of social acceptability)
  
• Looks after his or her appearance
  
• Has a sophisticated sense of humour
  
• Is a good teacher

I expect people to disagree with my list. I'm not saying that people who don't have all these qualities are no good. I think most of us will think, "Hmm, that would be a good trait to have. We should all strive for it," and never achieve it because we don't have the time, we don't have it within us to be like that or because we're lazy.

A few years ago, I gave Gurpreet a very truncated version of this list. She was surprised that my criteria focused on intelligence, skills and education.

"Joan, that's really interesting. I don't define good people that way. I value other traits like being a good friend, being kind and generous."

Gurpreet, now that you mention it, I suppose I agree with you. But I kind of take it for granted that people are kind and generous. I probably shouldn't assume that. Our different outlooks also explain why you have devoted much of your time developing your interpersonal skills and I have spent more time on my technical skills. It's only recently that I've figured out how to be a good friend. But that is another discussion.